Author: rethinkingfaith

I get this question a lot “Shouldn’t Christians be focused on sharing the gospel instead of getting involved in politics or changing the culture?”

Here’s the problem with that question. It presupposes that sharing the gospel is spiritual while involvement with politics/culture is secular. It’s like saying, “Going to church is a spiritual activity, but working a construction job is secular.” From the New Testament time onward there is no such bifurcation.

Jesus was a carpenter. Paul made tents. The disciples fished and still fished while they were following Jesus. So it’s clear that there is no spiritual/secular divide. And there shouldn’t be.

Same thing with culture. So songs that mention God are spiritual songs, but what about classical music where they don’t have words? What category are they in? Or what about a parody song with brief mentions of God that makes you laugh, what category would you put that in? I think you get my point.

Now back to politics. The root word “pol” in Greek refers to “of citizens, the state, or public life” and is derived from “polis”, which means city. An easy definition here is that politics is how life should be governed. And it’s pretty much unavoidable as long as there is more than one person involved. For a society to function, there has to be certain rules that are abided by. For example, your society is not going to be that great if murdering was fine or stealing was OK. So rules are set in place against these actions. And of course you have people making the rules. It could be people you choose or people who were chosen for you.

So in a way, the politics of a country is impacted by the culture it is in. For instance, homosexual sex used to be imprisonable in the US. As the culture changed, people in politics reversed it. But politics also impacts the culture. When Roe v. Wade came through, it affected the culture of not just the US, but the entire world. After that, child killing (aka abortion) was not perceived as terrible as it really is. People started to think it’s just a “clump of cells” and that it’s a “choice” not a life. So in this sense politics and culture really are inseparable.

Let’s go back to the question of whether or not Christians should get involved with politics or changing culture. My answer is simply, “How can you not?” If you share the gospel with someone and they follow God (this assumes they turn away from their worldly ways) aren’t you changing the culture? Yes, it might just be one person, but that person is part of the larger culture. And if you’re able to put political pressure on let’s say the taxpayer funding of abortion, that might end up saving lives. A mother is less likely to pay for an abortion if it’s very expensive.

These are examples of where politics and culture interacts with the gospel. Now, I do appreciate the original question because it is possible to lose sight of the importance of what you do. It’s one thing and it’s a great thing to be able to save lives from being aborted, but as followers of God, are we also giving single mothers the opportunity to be supported, cared for, possibly given employment, and of course, the opportunity to know and follow God? It’s not quite enough to just provide assistance without introducing people to the greatest assistant of all, namely, God. And many organizations like the YMCA have lost their original mission and turned into a social, community building organization minus God.

When George Williams founded the YMCA there was a gospel mission behind it. Here’s what it says on the YMCA website:

In 1844, industrialized London was a place of great turmoil and despair. For the young men who migrated to the city from rural areas to find jobs, London offered a bleak landscape of tenement housing and dangerous influences.

Twenty-two-year-old George Williams, a farmer-turned-department store worker, was troubled by what he saw. He joined 11 friends to organize the first Young Men’s Christian Association (YMCA), a refuge of Bible study and prayer for young men seeking escape from the hazards of life on the streets.

More at: https://www.ymca.net/history/founding.html

And of course, when you go to the YMCA today there’s no prayer. No Bible study. The gospel is never mentioned. So as believers it’s important to keep the goal in mind. Jesus didn’t just teach spiritual things. He provided food and healing, which often led to people being interested in what he had to say. Both aspects are important.

Needless to say, there are elements of our culture that is destructive. And I’m not saying everyone needs to protest outside of Planned Parenthood or whatever. Each person is individually accountable to God how they want to do their role. Some may picket. Some may pray. Some may jump into political office. Some may do a movie exposing Planned Parenthood. Some may create t-shirts others can buy to spread the awareness. Other believers might want to focus their attention on human sex trafficking or training men to become real men or helping people not be addicted to pornography. The list can go on.

As followers of God, you really don’t have any choice. The political/culture war is upon you whether you pick up your battle ax or not. So figure out which battles you want to fight in. And of course, don’t forget that the gospel is the goal, otherwise you’ll end up another YMCA.

Most Christians have inspirational favorite verses. You know things like Philippians 4:13, which says,

“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.”

Or Jeremiah 29:11, which says,

“For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’”

Aside from knowing God, one of the most amazing gifts God has given to me is my friendship with Walt Henrichsen, who served as my spiritual mentor for 16 years, until his passing. I know of no other individual like him. His life verse was Jeremiah 39:18, which says,

“… thy life shall be a prey unto thee…”

This is not exactly a very encouraging verse. In fact, it’s kinda discouraging. But as you read through the Bible you see the theme of being a slave of God.

Yes, I use the word “slave”. Paul calls himself a slave of God also. It’s just that most Bible translators prefer the term “servant of God” when Paul refers to himself. But “slave” is a better translation for the Greek word “doulos” because it better encapsulates what God expects of those who follow Him.

You see, a slave doesn’t have any rights. A slave can’t just do whatever he wants. A slave is owned. A slave has a master. A slave does not do his own bidding. A slave does his master’s bidding.

And you see it in the Bible. Those who are totally in for God did not care for fame or fortune. (This is not to say that if you’re famous or rich that you are not in the center of God’s will for you). The apostles knowingly took on abuse to proclaim the truth. They knew the charge that God gave them and went out with 100% gusto. This resulted in beatings, injuries, jail time, isolation, loneliness, and death. There was no fame or fortune in it for these guys.

God expects the same tenacity in following Him as the apostles demonstrated. And I don’t necessarily mean you need to go to City Hall and do open air preaching (but if that’s what God will have you do, do it). Rather, it can look different for different people. Doing God’s will will exhaust you. There is no shortage of people who have needs, who want to be heard and served.

And frankly, most Christians don’t want to be inconvenienced to this degree. Most Christians don’t want to be a slave to God. Most Christians just want to serve turkey to homeless on Thanksgiving so they can post a photo on social media and get people to think that they are so amazing. Everyone has a certain level of commitment to the things of God.

I was talking to a friend from East Asia and she went to church her whole life, but she didn’t want to give God full reign over her life. When I asked why she said, “Because God might ask me to do something I don’t want to do. I just want to enjoy my life, make some money, have some fun.” I appreciate her honesty and she correctly identified what was holding her back. She didn’t mind going to church weekly and even being a part of her church group’s activities, but that was the extent she wanted.

Some people just want to commit 10% of their lives to God so that they can do whatever they want with the other 90%. Other people are willing to do 50% and so on. But God does expect 100% from those who claim to be His.

Matthew 16:24 says,

Then Jesus told his disciples, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.

So it’s pretty clear what God wants. To deny yourself simply means that you don’t have your own will anymore, but the will of God in your life. Taking up your cross… well, that’s like a death sentence because the cross represented death. In this case, death to yourself, all your wants and desires. Now this is not to say it’s wrong to have a desire like a nice car or a spouse or a nice house, etc. Nothing wrong with that at all. But you’re only willing to take it up if God wills it.

And of course, nobody is 100% all the time. Well, at least I’ll speak for myself. I know that I preach a much better sermon than I live. But that’s what we’re striving for.

A logical question one might ask is, “What difference will it make if I’m 10% for God or 100%?” Great question. It matters quite a bit. Anything less than 100% might raise the question if you really belong to God. In other words, your salvation may be at stake. Now, I’m not saying that you are saved by works. But genuine faith is followed by works. But if you have little works or no works to show forth, there’s a possibility that you didn’t really trust God to begin with.

Even if you do belong to God, this still matters because everyone will be judged individually and eternal rewards will be awarded based on faithfulness to opportunity. And this will affect the quality of your life in eternity. In other words, heaven won’t be the same for everyone. Some will have greater rewards than others and it all depends on what degree you make yourself a slave to God.

So hopefully, that’s motivating enough for you to give it your all. In the end, you’ll be glad you did.

(How to Assess the Character of a Man)

If men were honest they would not be getting married if there was no benefit of sex in the mix. Sure, there are other reasons men get married. This includes companionship, having kids (some men really like kids like me!), or avoiding conversations with your Chinese mom who’s always wondering why you aren’t married yet. But I would say a whopping 99% of men marry in order to have sex as the primary motivation. Of course, men would not admit this because it makes you look sex-crazy and that’s not the image you want to portray.

This just goes to say that it’s important to be self-aware of how powerful the sex drive is. Sometimes it can drive your decision making process in ways that are not beneficial for you (i.e. porn, strip clubs, prostitutes). The sex drive is not necessarily bad in itself. It’s how God has designed the procreation of the human race.

Think about how influential the sex drive it and how it can pretty much control your choices. You meet a girl you like, which is another way to say that you are sexually attracted to her. Well, you try to persuade her to consider you a potential mate. So what do you do? You get haircuts even when you don’t really need one so you can look your best. You buy some nice clothes. You keep your car clean-looking. You text her to see if she got home OK that night. You remember her birthday. You buy her thoughtful gifts. You try to get her friends to be on your side and think that you’re great for her so you’re nice to her friends. You’re nice to her family. You do all these things with the hopes that she would marry you one day so you can have sex. I know all this sounds a bit crass, but this is 100% true.

If you don’t believe me, take the example of a plain-looking girl. Do guys give her attention? Remember her birthday? Offer to do errands for her? Of course not. And why not? Well, it’s because they are not interested in having sex with her.

So I bring all this up because as believers there is a place and time to serve people even if there’s no pay out. The plain-looking girl doesn’t really have anything to offer you that you want. But you know what? She is no less made in the image of God than pretty ones. She is no less a daughter of the Most High God than the pretty ones. So she is worthy of your service nevertheless. So when you’re pursuing the pretty girl, don’t forget about the plain-looking ones, too.

This would be similar to the situation in James 2:

For if a man wearing a gold ring and fine clothing comes into your assembly, and a poor man in shabby clothing also comes in, and if you pay attention to the one who wears the fine clothing and say, “You sit here in a good place,” while you say to the poor man, “You stand over there,” or, “Sit down at my feet,” have you not then made distinctions among yourselves and become judges with evil thoughts?

You see, you treat the rich guy better because you’re hoping for some kind of reciprocity. Maybe he might give you a large donation or introduce you to someone powerful or influential or give you a job. Poor people aren’t going to have much to offer you. But God does not want this kind of favoritism amongst his people.

A final word to the ladies, you can know a lot about the character of man by how he serves or doesn’t serve the plain-looking girls. Just keep an eye out.

(And Why You’re Probably Serving Money)

There’s a verse in the Bible in Matthew 6:24 which says,

“No one can serve two masters, for either he will hate the one and love the other, or he will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve God and money.”

I probably don’t need to explain what serving money looks like, but I will just so we’re on the same page. It means allowing money to make the calls on your life. And it could look like this:

• Refusing God’s call for you serve people in a poor country because you’ll be broke.
• Deciding who to marry based on who will provide the most comfortable and posh lifestyle.
• Refusing to speak God’s truth because that might cause people at church to leave and lower your weekly offering.
• Planting churches only in affluent communities because that’s how you keep the lights on.
• Unwilling to give up sizable money to causes or individuals that God has laid on your heart.
• Deciding who’s in your social circle based on what they can do for you (i.e. connections, opportunities, business dealings).

Now, there’s nothing necessarily wrong with some of these as long as you are not doing something you believe God doesn’t want you to do. For example, if you’re a real estate agent it would make sense for you to be around people who have money. The problem is if this is not where God will have you and you don’t care, that’s when you get into trouble.

Do you notice that Christians will praise and thank God when they get a promotion or a raise, but they won’t do that when they get demoted or fired? It’s almost as if to say that it’s God’s will that you get rich. For some people it may be, but for others it’s not true.

Do you find it interesting that the richer you are the more you have to lose so you’re more likely to justify why God doesn’t want you to do anything that may hurt you financially?

A lot of Christians do say that they are stewards of the wealth God has given them, but when push comes to shove, they don’t really believe that. They really believe that their wealth rightly belongs to them. Here’s the scary part… God says you can’t serve both God and money. So if you’re serving money, there’s a good chance you don’t belong to Him.

(Why You Shouldn’t Overlook Character Flaws While You Date)

Note: Names have changed to conceal the identity of individuals.

I have a friend named Sandy. She always had a big smile on her face. She lit up every room she entered. She was friendly and bubbly. People liked being around her. She also loved God. Her goal was to be a Bible translator, to bring God’s truth to a group of people halfway around the world. Lo and behold, one day she met her Prince Charming, Stanley, who also wanted to be a Bible translator so it was a match made in heaven. Or so she thought.

Long story short they got married and were out in the field of nowhere figuring out how to translate the Bible into this new language. That’s when things started getting bad. Sandy was so in love with Stanley that during the dating phase she overlooked certain behaviors like how possessive he was, how he needed to know every person she interacted with that day, and how he would manipulate her to feel guilty for speaking up against what she saw.

Eventually, after a few years of marriage, they divorced. It was devastating to her and to her friends (including me) because I always thought, “If anybody’s marriage is going to be rock solid in God it’d be Sandy’s because she was very God-centered and look. Her husband is even interested in Bible translation work just like her. If there was a match made in heaven this would be it!”

But things are not what it seems often time. Underneath, a well put together public façade someone’s marriage might be collapsing altogether. That’s why it’s all the more important that during the dating phase you don’t fall heads over heel for someone to the point where you overlook character issues. If you do it will come back to haunt you. You might want not to emotionally commit to marrying this person, but give yourself a way out just in case you discover something off about the person. One way to be vigilant is to ask your parents or people you trust who have no skin in the game to give you their honest assessment of the person.

I get people asking me, “So when are you getting married?” and it puzzles me because I don’t know how to answer this question. It’s not like there’s a long line of godly single women who are ready to go. Just as women complain about how there are not that many godly men. Vice versa is equally true. Godly people are just really, really rare. Count yourself fortunate if you have some as friends because there are many people in this world who have never and will never encounter one.

When I’m talking about godly people I’m not talking about people who go to church every Sunday and give a few dollars to charity and even participate in a Bible study regularly. With that said, there’s certainly nothing wrong with this. People who are truly godly are those who are willing to give up everything, including their very lives, to do God’s will. Yes, it’s a tall order. But from a Biblical point of view it’s the minimum God expects of someone who claims to follow Him (Matthew 16:24).

With rare exceptions, those who are godly tend to be on the more poor side as wealth controls a man (Mark 10:17-27). They live in obscurity. Nobody knows them. They are not “who’s who” or social media influencers. They are not trying to please people or make people like them. Their goal is to please only God. The better looking or wealthier a person is the less godly they tend to be because they are not willing to surrender what is highly esteemed amongst people to “scrub toilets” (euphemism for service) if you will. This is just another way of saying allowing God to use you in whatever capacity He sees fit and sometime it might not be what you want to do (see Book of Jonah).

As an aside, I have met scores of Christian women who have issues that prevent them from being more for God and I do notice a pattern.

Jackie: Never felt like her dad really liked her. Dad was emotionally distant and didn’t show any affection or emotional care toward her. Because she feels unwanted by her dad she has trust issues with men, which sabotages all male relationships.

Monica: She was raped by men and this has really affected her trust of men. She would rather be single than allow a man into her life.

Eva: From the moment she was born, her grandfather and father both hoped that she was a boy. They had a preference for males who carried the last name. Her little brother was given preferential treatment. Til this very day, she feels unwanted and unimportant.

Eliza: Her parents divorced when she was just six. Her dad disappeared for years. Her mom abandoned her so that she could “live her life”. Because of this she has always felt insecure and is fearful that her future husband will divorce her just like how her parents divorced.

If you have issues (and we all do to varying degrees), it’s important to work on them. If you don’t it can destroy your future marriage. And working on them might require you to pony up money to get help, get counseling, buy resources, go to retreats and conferences, etc. Yes, it can cost you a lot of money, but if you are serious about working on your issues your heart will follow where your money goes.

Now, your issues might never go away completely, but as long as it’s manageable that’s all that matters and only you know what’s “manageable”. So remember, before you date someone make sure you iron out your issues, whatever they are, and don’t fall in love too much where you overlook the other person’s issues.

The next time Cho Ju-Bin, a 25 year old Korean man, gets to walk free again will be 2060. He admitted to sexually exploiting women online. Obviously, he had a good understanding of how the human mind worked and how to gain compliance. Unfortunately, he used that knowledge to get women to send sexually compromising photos and videos to him. In turn, he would sell access to this to people who would pay.

Here is the story:

https://www.bbc.com/news/world-asia-55082072

When God created man his job was to provide and protect her. He was to exercise leadership that would help her blossom into her full potential. She was literally a part of him, both physically and spiritually. That was the original design.

In the history of wars, men always fought for their women (and children). Nations didn’t send their women into battle to protect the men. It is built into the male DNA to fight and protect women. Unfortunately, sin has twisted this design and men have exploited and used women in unthinkable ways.

Here are some verses that speak on men’s design:

• 1 Timothy 5:8- But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.
• 1 Peter 3:7- Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.
• Ephesians 5:25- Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her,
• Colossians 3:19- Husbands, love your wives, and do not be harsh with them.

Sure, these verses are in the context of marriage, but the general ethos prevails. You were made bigger and stronger than women so use that to fight for the women around you. Look out for them. Care for them. Here are some ways you can do it:

• Walk a woman to her car especially if it’s dark and the neighborhood is shady.
• Open a door for her.
• Offer to help her move furniture.
• Be available and approachable.

You might be wondering, “Well, if I do these things what’s in it for me?” Let me put it this way if you don’t fight for women you’re not a real man. Your masculinity is at stake. Is that reason enough?

If you meet a girl who you think might be a good fit for you, you need to take the risk and explore that possibility. A “good fit” kinda girl does not show up every day in your life. It might be years before another possible “good fit” kinda girl comes by again or it may never.

Now you can come up with all kinds of excuses like “But she lives in a different country” or “But I’m not done with school yet” or “I don’t have a house yet” or whatever. Well, you snooze you lose. Keep in mind that sometimes opportunities only come once in a lifetime.

As a guy, it really sucks to be rejected by the opposite sex. It’s a pain and disappointment that runs deep in the psyche. Most guys would rather get a basketball thrown at their face. But God has given men the responsibility of initiating. And initiating requires risk-taking.

I remember a time in college when I was rejected (albeit very nicely) by a girl I liked. She was a nursing student. She had an amazing heart for the Lord and kept God’s truth close to her all the time. She was always trying to encourage other people. And she accomplished all this despite being from a highly dysfunctional household having a mother with severe mental illness. I spiraled into a mild depression and lost my appetite. It was my first opposite sex rejection and it hurt. It stung. It made me question myself. Every future rejection after that was easy compared to that one. I guess the first of anything painful is usually the worst.

I remember another girl, who was also very committed in her walk with the Lord. We had great conversations. I had a DTR (Define the relationship) with her and she wouldn’t answer “yes” or “no” for months. It was during this process that I found out that she had enmeshment problems with mother. She was highly emotionally attached to her mom. Even though she was an adult she couldn’t separate herself from her mom. It was as if she and her mom were the same person. So long story short, her mom saw me one time and wrote me off right away. Her mom was from a very affluent and status-oriented political family. She wanted her daughter to marry into a similar class as her. And that was painful, too.

I share these stories to encourage you, men, to take the risk. If you’re spending all your time playing video games, you need to start growing up. I’m talking to men who put God first and are just a bit hesitant when it comes to relating to the opposite sex. Risk is a beautiful thing. It sends the message to the girl “You are worth risking getting my heart broken over.” So the next time you cross paths with someone who might be a good fit for you. Don’t pass it up. It’s better for God to judge the girl for rejecting you than for you not to try. Remember, don’t live in the world of “What if”. If she’s worth it, she’s worth the risk. Even if she says “no” when you come out of your heartbrokenness you’ll still be a bigger man than if you didn’t try.

I will FIGHT for you. I will FIGHT for your relationship with Jesus Christ. This is preeminent. And of course, I will FIGHT for our children.

I’m not a perfect man. In fact, I’m not even close. But I will do my very best. I will seek God’s direction. I will listen to your input. I value you as a partner-in-crime (good crime). But even if I do all this I know I will still make mistakes. You’ll see that I preach a better message than I live. But hopefully as I continue to mature in Christ that gap will shrink.

I understand what it means to “forsake all others” as a vow. What it means is that aside from God, you are #1. I will never put you above God. To put you above God is a disservice to you. A man can only be as strong as his God is in his life. That means I will avoid having any opposite sex relationships that may compromise me. That means I take the precautions not to be in those situations in the first place. I would never want to lose your trust as I value the opportunity of your trust so much.

With God being my witness, I will do my utter best to love you as Christ loved the church. Once again, I know I’m going to fall short of that standard, but I will give it my all.

When I say that I will FIGHT for your relationship with Jesus Christ, I’m also FIGHTing for my relationship with Jesus Christ. How can I encourage and lift you up if I’m not in sync with God myself? What this means is that whatever God asks of me I will oblige. So if God says, “Pack up your bags and take your family to China and serve there” I will not try to bargain with God and say, “How about I donate some extra money to your favorite charity instead?” What this means is that there are risks that I will take and lead you and our kids to take, if God so asks. This may make you feel uncomfortable at times, but I cannot compromise on this because one day I will have to give an account for how I led my wife and kids.

I seek to understand everything about you and know you in every way. What makes you smile. What makes you laugh. What makes you cry. What makes you stressed. What your dreams are. What your fears are. What you like. What you dislike. I seek to be a pillar you can lean on and a pillow you can put your head on.

I seek to help you blossom in the gifts, talents, and opportunities that God has given to you. So that when you meet Him one day, you would be the person who got 5 talents, but produced 10, instead of zero. I have no desire to compete with you as God judges each person according to his/her hand (of cards). If I had a card or two that will give you a royal flush I’ll be happy to give them to you.

I will not hesitate to exercise my protective leadership if I feel like there’s a decision you’re considering that might harm or set you back. Let’s say you want to start a business with somebody and I think that person is really shady I will not hesitate to give you a head’s up. Or if you’re thinking about vaccinating the baby I’m going to interfere with that. I don’t care about most things (i.e. What’s for lunch, color of the carpet, used or new car). But there are a few areas where I will ask that you defer to me on.

I seek to provide to the best of my ability, a home that is optimized for the raising of kids and to extend hospitality to others. This home will be a place where relationships with neighbors, friends, friend’s friends, people who don’t yet know God, will come to and not want to leave, where they will know that there is something special at our home. It is a place where God reigns. It will be a home, a family, a unit, a team, where together we say, “As for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.”

I will never put you in any compromising situation where the honor of God is chanced. I will never ask you to do anything against God’s word.

When we do have disagreements I will seek to understand your point-of-view and hear where you’re coming from. I will not do anything that I don’t believe would be in your best interest.

I will honor your parents, your family as my own. I will do my best to provide for them and their needs as needed.

I will pray with you each day. Together we intercede and ask God for his leadership in our lives.

I will FIGHT for our children and be attentive to each of their needs and provide every resource to bring out their potential. I will, with your help, teach and train the ways of the LORD so that they would honor God all of their days. Don’t worry, not one of them will be a prodigal child. (Ain’t happening on my watch.) I will discipline them if they are ever disrespectful, especially to you. I understand that children are a blessing from the LORD and that we are simply stewards of what God has given. I will not set them on a path in life or career of my choosing (i.e. “You better become a Supreme Court justice so I brag about you.”), but rather what God may have in store for them, which… coincidentally happens to be becoming a Supreme Court justice (Just kidding!).

I will care for you in sickness and in health (obviously, if you’re in health, you’re fine).

All this I promise until death do us part. So help me God (I have to include this because that’s what all the sworn presidents say and it sounds kinda cool).

In the Bible, there was a king named David. God really liked him. God even called him “a man after my own heart.” That’s serious praise there. Nobody else was described that way in the Bible.

When David was a boy he was angry that he was with a bunch of cowards who allowed the Philistines to talk smart about Israel and the God of Israel. The strongest warrior of the Philistines was a giant named Goliath. Everyone was scared of him because he was big and strong. Well, everyone except little David. So David slingshotted Goliath in the head and killed him. Now, that’s courage.

Well, fast forward many years, David is not with his troops fighting God’s battles like he’s supposed to. Instead he’s hanging out in his comfortable place and sees a beautiful woman bathing. Instead of turning his eyes and repenting, he orders someone to get her for him so he could sleep with her, even though she was someone else’s wife. And this was the beginning of David’s fall. He was never, ever the same man he once was.

Sexual sin is the #1 problem that prevents men from becoming champions for God. A few years I went to a sexual purity conference hosted by Josh McDowell, an apologist, no, not someone who apologizes a lot, but rather someone who defends the Bible to skeptics. There were about 1000 pastors/church leaders (90% men) and the question was asked, “Raise your hand if you’ve ever exposed yourself to porn.” And I want to give credit for the audience’s honesty. I would say about 95% of hands went up. I don’t think anyone would argue that this is a serious problem, not only in the church, but in society at large. And this is just one form of sexual sin.

So I want to say that a real man will take the fight to sexual sin. Meaning he will guard his heart as best as he can to not put himself in a vulnerable situation.

I have a friend who’s brother is a well-respected pastor in a local area (I won’t mention where) and I met him and him family at his home for a meal. His wife was kind and friendly. His three kids were pretty cool. They seem to have everything together. Shortly after that, he started counseling a woman from his church and they started having an affair. His wife caught wind of it and ended their marriage. The kids were emotionally distraught. The pastor was forced to resign. To this day, it’s unclear if he’s still with the woman he had an affair with. In terms of his social circle, he’s pretty much disconnected from everybody. Sad.

Not everything is a loss, of course, as God gives second chances. Repentance will restore your relationship with God. And over time, others may trust you again BUT wouldn’t it be better to avoid getting yourself into a jam in the first place?

Well, you can. It’s been done before so you wouldn’t be the first. Here are some cool verses to memorize or at the very least put them on your phone so when it pops up you can be reminded to be vigilant.

Ephesians 5:3:

But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people.

Job 31:1:

I made a covenant with my eyes not to look lustfully at a young woman.

Hebrews 13:4:

Marriage should be honored by all, and the marriage bed kept pure, for God will judge the adulterer and all the sexual immoral.

Ideally, you don’t put yourself in a situation where temptation is high. So, if there’s a strip club near your house, maybe you should not drive that way to get to your house. Find an alternate route. Or don’t be behind closed doors with your girlfriend.

There are also other resources that can be helpful that I’ve personally benefitted from. I can vouch for them because I actually went to these events myself.

Every Man’s Battle – Recovering Sexual Integrity

https://wildatheart.org/events/wild-at-heart-boot-camp

So don’t let your guard down. When you see something sexually stimulating (i.e. online or a movie) or let’s say you’re at a beach where women are showing a lot of skin, turn your eyes away and walk away. In fact, maybe you shouldn’t go to a beach anymore or if you do, go when it’s dark, when women are not sunbathing. Just take every step to guard your heart. Your wife or your future wife will thank you.

There are many influences on my view of masculinity and admittedly some of these qualities are not limited to just men (i.e. humility, etc.). Some of it is Biblical. Some cultural. And of course, my view has been influenced by different people around me.

So just some random thoughts in no particular order:

1. Be Man Enough to Take Blame

In the Garden of Eden, after God starts questioning Adam why he ate of the forbidden fruit Adam replied, “It ain’t me you should be blaming. If anyone should be blamed it should be you! You’re the one who gave me the woman who gave me the fruit. And you can also blame her while you’re at it.” Something changed in Adam after taking the fruit. He was so concerned about saving his own skin he didn’t want to take responsibility for his charge to protect and look out for his wife. Nor did he own up the responsibility and accept the blame.

Don’t be this kind of weak-sauce guy. If you’ve messed up just own up to it. If your team messes up (even if it’s not totally on you) own up to it also. You’re going to make mistakes. If you keep thinking “victim mentality” you’re not going to go places. Being the man means both saying and believing, “My bad. I’m gonna do better next time.”

• Be Man Enough to Take Risks

There are so many stories of bravery in the Bible. A real man believes in God’s promises and march out boldly. God promised the Promised Land to the Israelites, but because of a report of giants, the Israelites got scared and backed off. There were a couple who were man enough amongst the 12 who scouted out the land, but the vast majority were coward.

Now, everyone is a coward to some extent, alright? But when God says, “I got your back” and you still ain’t going, well, then you got a problem.

Let’s take the example of Moses. God said, “I want you to go to Egypt and tell Pharaoh that he needs to let my people go.” Moses came up with a reason, a pretty good one, why God had the wrong guy. He said, “I’m not a speaking type. You got the wrong dude.” So God said, “Well, take Aaron with you. You’all gonna fine cuz ‘I got your back’.” Now Moses could have made still more excuses, but he got himself straightened out and went to Egypt.

There are situations where you might fail or humiliate yourself. Maybe it’s trying to share the gospel with someone. That person might spit at you. Or maybe it’s trying to make a co-worker feel welcomed even though everyone else is staying away because she supports Trump. And if you reached out others might shun you, too. Anyway, there are lots of situations.

Question is “You gonna take some risks or you gonna play it safe and just play video games all day?”

And of course, if you’re all in on God, there is always the possibility of the ultimate risk. The apostles preached the gospel with reckless abandon. They were tortured, bullied, a made a spectacle in their deaths (supposedly most were killed). If you think the gospel is worth it, you’ll risk it all for it.

• Be Man Enough to Protect Others

You’re gonna be pretty unpopular if you say things or do things that society doesn’t like. For instance, a lot of people think that abortion is OK. Now you have a choice. You can agree with them. In which case, they’ll keep inviting you to their parties and everything is cool or you can say “Murdering babies is not OK.”

There are weak and vulnerable people all around us. God wants us to protect others, in this case, the most vulnerable of all, babies.

Don’t be a beta male and take on the view of society. Say and do things to protect people. Aside from baby killing, there are women and kids who are abused/sex trafficked and need protection. (I’m not suggesting that a man do counseling with a woman as that can get rather messy). There are ways to support the vulnerable including raising funds, job training, mentoring kids, etc.

God created men to be physically stronger than women and that was meant for him to be the protector. So use your strength appropriately.

• Be Man Enough to Provide

This man is responsible take care of his wife and kids. Now, if this person is single and doesn’t have a wife and kids he’s still thinking ahead and setting himself up to be in the best position possible and/or taking care of other people who might be in need.

You don’t want to be the kind of guy who blows all his money at the casino every week. You want to be responsible.

• Be Man Enough to Stay True to Your Principles

If this man struggles with sexual purity he shouldn’t be putting himself in situations where he is more likely to be compromised. For the single guy, it would mean not being behind closed doors with his girlfriend. And for the married guy, he shouldn’t be spending one-on-one, private, unsupervised time with another woman.

Billy Graham had a rule. Sticking to this rule kept him out of sexual immorality.

What’s ‘the Billy Graham Rule’?

2-time US Vice President Mike Pence had a similar rule.

https://www.washingtonpost.com/news/the-fix/wp/2017/03/30/mike-pence-doesnt-dine-alone-with-other-women-and-were-all-shocked/

So here are a few random thoughts on what it means to be a real man. I hope it encourages you.